I love reading these! It's funny to be on the "mom side" of this story almost to a tee. I still breastfeed, she doesn't like leaving me for too long, and this coming summer, my girl will be the age your boy seems to be here. Her dad definitely wants to take her out more often. He'll have to call it adventure time too! I'll enjoy some quiet time to write, perhaps. 😅
Also, "we lay our eyes upon confounding social trends in practice," so good! 😂
I remember what it was like! We never really went out with each other alone until he was a bit older, and even then it took some time for us to forge the bond we now have. I do think that as children become older their bond with their father -- ideally -- becomes stronger. At least for fathers who actually *want* to be present in the early years; sadly, a lot don't.
We're very much looking forward to the coming summer. We went out together today and endured the biting cold for almost seven hours. He was covered in stuff to keep him warm, but for me... well, let's just say I'm glad to be at home & cosy at the end of the day. 😅
On a serious note, my instinct is that if your daughter's father takes her out often, he too will start to bond with her on a deeper level. She will come to trust and adore her father in a different but perhaps equally special way than she does with you at the moment.
Of course, I am no expert on all of this; the truth is that I just go on instinct. And my instinct tells me that these early years will come to inform our relationship long-term, and I very much like the idea of that. I adore and look up to my father; personally, I'm hoping him and I -- my son, that is -- can be even closer.
I'm glad you enjoyed that quoted line -- I must admit that I often think about the fact that A) There are not many parents around, especially not young ones, and B) There appear to be a lot of people around with dogs. They've replaced children with dogs and some even think this is cool and normal. I find it a little exasperating.
I don't mind being close by and so needed by my girl - it's normal (it felt like torture before I had a perspective shift and just accepted it!). You're right though, as long as someone (dad, Nana, aunts etc) puts in the time, for lack of a better term, with enthusiasm and warmth, the little one will respond positively!
She already has such a sweet relationship with dad - he's the one to rough house with her, and she can never get enough, she's definitely a thrill seeker like him! This is cute too: we got her those trendy stepping stone Montessori toys (knock offs; I'd never drop $300+ on the originals) for Christmas, and whenever she and I played with them, walking on them like stones in a pond, she'd always insist on holding my hand for balance. Then dad comes after work and she wants to hold him, but he keeps his hands to himself and aaks her to try alone - now she practically runs over them by herself! He encourages her to move outside her comfort zone, which is so good.
Ah, the cold days expeditions! How cold is cold there? We're in Atlantic Canada, and it's been so mild the last few winters, around just freezing. I'm actually excited for good old -25°C days they're forecasting this week! 😂 But seven hours, wow! I'll admit we limit our time outside to an hour at a time in the cold here.
And re dog parents, it's the exact same here. We're the only couple with kids in our extended family and friend group, so it does feel strange when baby girl and I go anywhere. Reminds me of your Empire as love essay, when you said not many take their love past the marriage part. All the couples I know flashed through my mind (save for 2 new stay at home mums I met!) because they're all newly married, or still "boyfriend girlfriend" 🫠 and pets are their actual child of choice? The wording some use requires seriousl mental gymnastics.
Well, not cold like you're thinking of it. We're talking between -2 and 5°C. It was extremely taxing, I'll admit, but these bonding sessions are great and while they're a struggle, I think he needs them. It's also a great opportunity to improve his English since it lags behind his Hungarian slightly (my wife and everyone else here is Hungarian). That being said, he is also absolutely bilingual already -- a fact which I am very, very proud of him for.
It's a beautiful thing to see how children connect with each of their parents, I think. It drives home the importance of the two-parent household in the most succinct way; a fact which, sadly, I think we have forgotten as a culture. As you say: everyone just complains about having kids -- they do not reference or care about the sense of meaning, purpose, and belonging that it gives both a mother and a father to create and nurture new life together. Life that is, I might say, truly transcendent in the greatest sense.
I really wish there were more positive messages about parenthood like this in the culture. When I shared pieces like this -- including the one about the day my son was born -- people just complained about the financial constraints and difficulties of raising children. Ironically, I shared it on the "natalist" sub-Reddit, and I was met with only derision and complaints. I find that very saddening; either way, however, I love being a dad and cannot imagine it either way. I'm glad your husband is building such a strong connection with your little girl.
I might also add that it's the most heartwarming thing that you are commenting on these; I don't have much time in general (I work 2 jobs), but I always have the time for thoughtful and positive comments. Thanks again, Véronique. (:
Kids do love trash trucks! My nephews trash company was local and they gave him like a hat and truck one week and he was over the moon. Such a cool thing for the worker and company to do!
It's heartwarming community stuff like this that keeps my faith in humanity alive. My boy would be ecstatic if he was given a hat -- he'd wear it wherever he went!
There was actually a video I recorded - but decided to cut for various reasons - where he was playing on a fountain and became soaked. At first I thought him being wet wasn't a big deal, yet by the end of the video I can be heard saying "Christ, boy, you're soaked, mummy's not gonna be happy!"
Do you have kids yourself? I feel like this observation could only come from a fellow father.
Yes I am; I've got two but extreme energy levels and multiplier effect make it seem like more. I'm assured that three or more is not much harder but we're too old now responsibly to broodmaxx.
The missus has extreme oriental aversion to dirt, breezes and innundation of children's clothing, no matter how minor. Combination of last two is thought particularly deadly. I don't know if it's like this among Hungarians.
I know what you mean. My son is absolutely bombastic energy-wise. Add the fact that his mum is the anxious and paranoid type (I'm not) and it can seem pretty intense at times. She's a great mum, but things often get way, way out of proportion. Still, I do want to broodmaxx - as you call it! - but I'm told we're having a maximum of two. Pity, though I suppose two is enough, eh? And I get the easy side of it, you know, just working two jobs.
It'd take a long time to explain the manifold neuroses of the Hungarians, suffice to say it seems we're in a similar boat!
Where'd you learn to write like you do? Surely not in Romania. I'm assuming America from the kind of stuff I've checked out of yours so far, but still, it's rare.
Ha no I'm not American. I'm descended from a different set of genocidal settler-colonists who don't really exist except as a concept to oppress black and brown bodies...
I appreciate the compliment. I try my best to amuse and inform.
I did notice some British spelling with some of your verbs after I wrote this comment. Of course, by that point, I'd already written it so I couldn't go back.
By the way, I understand the desire not to reveal this kind of information. I am a different breed in this sense, which is probably why I write posts like the above one.
There's also the fact that I don't really fear the far Left anymore - I do live in Hungary now, after all. And my employer, who I suspect I'll be working with for a long time, doesn't much care.
Excellent job. I wish you the best of luck and hope everything goes well for you and your son. That said, I find it striking and strange that we live in a time where those recognized as "far right extremists" are making posts about their families and their children. While "mainstream progressives" are trying to burn down buildings and molest children.
It's good to know that the enemies of the good and moral won't last longer than a generation.
Thanks, brother. Everything will go well for my son and I because I won't let it go any other way. For the moral men and women among us, kids make sure that you push yourself harder than ever before.
By the way, I'm really digging all your recent stuff. Keep up the great work—it's tough to write optimistic pieces in times like these, and even tougher to offer some valuable insights in a marketplace crowded by doom and gloom. Basically, keep on smashing it. I intend to publish some exhortations that bear likeness to yours myself (with a different focus), but it's finding the time that's the killer. Working two jobs, being a (good) father and husband, and writing on Substack isn't easy, but I believe I can do it. Fatherhood is always the priority—I've got a little legend in the making on my hands here.
When I find the time, I look forward to reading your most recent pieces, they've been on my mind for quite some time.
You are too kind, Katherine, truly. Of course I, too, fail as a father and husband at times, but writing about these things helps inspire me to do better (as do comments like this). I find that if I am able to pen my ideals and what I strive for, I can think back to these when I stray - or am tempted to stray - from the path.
That all sounds terribly corny, but the truth is like that sometimes.
I think in many ways the most beautiful part of being a parent is that you never stop learning from your kids. My boy's young yet, but I can already find so much insight in his wonder and way of being. I really did not expect it to be like this!
Maaaate, I've already got an article in the works about that. It's just too good for a satire piece, no?
Alright, alright, I've only got a few notes in my notebook -- but still, it's been on my mind for a long time. I wonder how many other people have noticed it. Have you?
I love reading these! It's funny to be on the "mom side" of this story almost to a tee. I still breastfeed, she doesn't like leaving me for too long, and this coming summer, my girl will be the age your boy seems to be here. Her dad definitely wants to take her out more often. He'll have to call it adventure time too! I'll enjoy some quiet time to write, perhaps. 😅
Also, "we lay our eyes upon confounding social trends in practice," so good! 😂
I remember what it was like! We never really went out with each other alone until he was a bit older, and even then it took some time for us to forge the bond we now have. I do think that as children become older their bond with their father -- ideally -- becomes stronger. At least for fathers who actually *want* to be present in the early years; sadly, a lot don't.
We're very much looking forward to the coming summer. We went out together today and endured the biting cold for almost seven hours. He was covered in stuff to keep him warm, but for me... well, let's just say I'm glad to be at home & cosy at the end of the day. 😅
On a serious note, my instinct is that if your daughter's father takes her out often, he too will start to bond with her on a deeper level. She will come to trust and adore her father in a different but perhaps equally special way than she does with you at the moment.
Of course, I am no expert on all of this; the truth is that I just go on instinct. And my instinct tells me that these early years will come to inform our relationship long-term, and I very much like the idea of that. I adore and look up to my father; personally, I'm hoping him and I -- my son, that is -- can be even closer.
I'm glad you enjoyed that quoted line -- I must admit that I often think about the fact that A) There are not many parents around, especially not young ones, and B) There appear to be a lot of people around with dogs. They've replaced children with dogs and some even think this is cool and normal. I find it a little exasperating.
I love all that!
I don't mind being close by and so needed by my girl - it's normal (it felt like torture before I had a perspective shift and just accepted it!). You're right though, as long as someone (dad, Nana, aunts etc) puts in the time, for lack of a better term, with enthusiasm and warmth, the little one will respond positively!
She already has such a sweet relationship with dad - he's the one to rough house with her, and she can never get enough, she's definitely a thrill seeker like him! This is cute too: we got her those trendy stepping stone Montessori toys (knock offs; I'd never drop $300+ on the originals) for Christmas, and whenever she and I played with them, walking on them like stones in a pond, she'd always insist on holding my hand for balance. Then dad comes after work and she wants to hold him, but he keeps his hands to himself and aaks her to try alone - now she practically runs over them by herself! He encourages her to move outside her comfort zone, which is so good.
Ah, the cold days expeditions! How cold is cold there? We're in Atlantic Canada, and it's been so mild the last few winters, around just freezing. I'm actually excited for good old -25°C days they're forecasting this week! 😂 But seven hours, wow! I'll admit we limit our time outside to an hour at a time in the cold here.
And re dog parents, it's the exact same here. We're the only couple with kids in our extended family and friend group, so it does feel strange when baby girl and I go anywhere. Reminds me of your Empire as love essay, when you said not many take their love past the marriage part. All the couples I know flashed through my mind (save for 2 new stay at home mums I met!) because they're all newly married, or still "boyfriend girlfriend" 🫠 and pets are their actual child of choice? The wording some use requires seriousl mental gymnastics.
Well, not cold like you're thinking of it. We're talking between -2 and 5°C. It was extremely taxing, I'll admit, but these bonding sessions are great and while they're a struggle, I think he needs them. It's also a great opportunity to improve his English since it lags behind his Hungarian slightly (my wife and everyone else here is Hungarian). That being said, he is also absolutely bilingual already -- a fact which I am very, very proud of him for.
It's a beautiful thing to see how children connect with each of their parents, I think. It drives home the importance of the two-parent household in the most succinct way; a fact which, sadly, I think we have forgotten as a culture. As you say: everyone just complains about having kids -- they do not reference or care about the sense of meaning, purpose, and belonging that it gives both a mother and a father to create and nurture new life together. Life that is, I might say, truly transcendent in the greatest sense.
I really wish there were more positive messages about parenthood like this in the culture. When I shared pieces like this -- including the one about the day my son was born -- people just complained about the financial constraints and difficulties of raising children. Ironically, I shared it on the "natalist" sub-Reddit, and I was met with only derision and complaints. I find that very saddening; either way, however, I love being a dad and cannot imagine it either way. I'm glad your husband is building such a strong connection with your little girl.
I might also add that it's the most heartwarming thing that you are commenting on these; I don't have much time in general (I work 2 jobs), but I always have the time for thoughtful and positive comments. Thanks again, Véronique. (:
Kids do love trash trucks! My nephews trash company was local and they gave him like a hat and truck one week and he was over the moon. Such a cool thing for the worker and company to do!
It's heartwarming community stuff like this that keeps my faith in humanity alive. My boy would be ecstatic if he was given a hat -- he'd wear it wherever he went!
I know well muddy puddles game, including the following type of 'exchange':
Father: [INTERESTED PARENT QUESTION]
Child: no response, continues jumping
Father: [FURTHER INTERESTED PARENT QUESTION]
Child: no response, continues jumping
Father: [eh whatever just let him enjoy it; fuck me now he's covered in mud his mum's not gonna be happy]
You've gone and summed it up perfectly.
There was actually a video I recorded - but decided to cut for various reasons - where he was playing on a fountain and became soaked. At first I thought him being wet wasn't a big deal, yet by the end of the video I can be heard saying "Christ, boy, you're soaked, mummy's not gonna be happy!"
Do you have kids yourself? I feel like this observation could only come from a fellow father.
Yes I am; I've got two but extreme energy levels and multiplier effect make it seem like more. I'm assured that three or more is not much harder but we're too old now responsibly to broodmaxx.
The missus has extreme oriental aversion to dirt, breezes and innundation of children's clothing, no matter how minor. Combination of last two is thought particularly deadly. I don't know if it's like this among Hungarians.
I know what you mean. My son is absolutely bombastic energy-wise. Add the fact that his mum is the anxious and paranoid type (I'm not) and it can seem pretty intense at times. She's a great mum, but things often get way, way out of proportion. Still, I do want to broodmaxx - as you call it! - but I'm told we're having a maximum of two. Pity, though I suppose two is enough, eh? And I get the easy side of it, you know, just working two jobs.
It'd take a long time to explain the manifold neuroses of the Hungarians, suffice to say it seems we're in a similar boat!
Where'd you learn to write like you do? Surely not in Romania. I'm assuming America from the kind of stuff I've checked out of yours so far, but still, it's rare.
Ha no I'm not American. I'm descended from a different set of genocidal settler-colonists who don't really exist except as a concept to oppress black and brown bodies...
I appreciate the compliment. I try my best to amuse and inform.
So the Brits, then? I do enjoy the subtle humour.
I did notice some British spelling with some of your verbs after I wrote this comment. Of course, by that point, I'd already written it so I couldn't go back.
By the way, I understand the desire not to reveal this kind of information. I am a different breed in this sense, which is probably why I write posts like the above one.
There's also the fact that I don't really fear the far Left anymore - I do live in Hungary now, after all. And my employer, who I suspect I'll be working with for a long time, doesn't much care.
Excellent job. I wish you the best of luck and hope everything goes well for you and your son. That said, I find it striking and strange that we live in a time where those recognized as "far right extremists" are making posts about their families and their children. While "mainstream progressives" are trying to burn down buildings and molest children.
It's good to know that the enemies of the good and moral won't last longer than a generation.
Thanks, brother. Everything will go well for my son and I because I won't let it go any other way. For the moral men and women among us, kids make sure that you push yourself harder than ever before.
By the way, I'm really digging all your recent stuff. Keep up the great work—it's tough to write optimistic pieces in times like these, and even tougher to offer some valuable insights in a marketplace crowded by doom and gloom. Basically, keep on smashing it. I intend to publish some exhortations that bear likeness to yours myself (with a different focus), but it's finding the time that's the killer. Working two jobs, being a (good) father and husband, and writing on Substack isn't easy, but I believe I can do it. Fatherhood is always the priority—I've got a little legend in the making on my hands here.
When I find the time, I look forward to reading your most recent pieces, they've been on my mind for quite some time.
It's hard to make time for everything. I'm still plugging away though. Hope that my next work is as well received as what I've done so far.
You do a brilliant and compassionate job of making FATHER a VERB.
You are too kind, Katherine, truly. Of course I, too, fail as a father and husband at times, but writing about these things helps inspire me to do better (as do comments like this). I find that if I am able to pen my ideals and what I strive for, I can think back to these when I stray - or am tempted to stray - from the path.
That all sounds terribly corny, but the truth is like that sometimes.
I think in many ways the most beautiful part of being a parent is that you never stop learning from your kids. My boy's young yet, but I can already find so much insight in his wonder and way of being. I really did not expect it to be like this!
I'd like to hear more on your thoughts about replacing children with pets which you teased with that photo!
Maaaate, I've already got an article in the works about that. It's just too good for a satire piece, no?
Alright, alright, I've only got a few notes in my notebook -- but still, it's been on my mind for a long time. I wonder how many other people have noticed it. Have you?